Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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