be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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