I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
