I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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