she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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