we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
