i don't like sucking hair
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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