i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I touched a dick in church today
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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