Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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