Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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