I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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