The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
