Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
