Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
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