Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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