ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
too bad you live with your parents still
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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