when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
