Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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