Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
