so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
