I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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