thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
