"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
