Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
