Sry I called you an 8
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
