she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
