Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
