She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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