I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
