I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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