3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
