I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
