In the future we'll all be gay
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
