Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
