My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
