I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
