Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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