I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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