At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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