Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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