Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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