so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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