we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
