It's like a parade of train wrecks.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
