god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
