butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
