Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
