Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
