Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
