mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
