I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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