Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
